Protection

"Protection" is a sensitive topic. We all long, whether secretly or openly, for protection. We desire protection from physical harm, from heartache, from financial strain, from verbal abuse, and the list goes on. Unfortunately, so often we are not protected. People take advantage of us. People purposefully wound us. There are no jobs available, and our bank accounts are running low. The news channels remind us of how many evil people there are running around, willing and wanting to do us harm. People we need to love us are absent, physically or emotionally.

For me, often when I don't feel protected, I help myself feel better by saying that I don't need to be protected. If I am alone and don't feel safe, I tell myself I am perfectly capable of defending myself. I don't need the protection of a stronger presence beside me.

If emotionally I don't feel protected, I tell myself that I am strong enough to withstand any jabs at my heart or anyone toying with my heart. I tell myself I have a strong stomach and won't get sick from the constant ups and downs and twists and turns of the roller coaster of emotions.

If financially I don't have my safety net of a padded savings, I tell myself that I will somehow pay the bills. No emergency will pop up unannounced and demand all of my non-existent money.

To admit that I desire protection in the absence of it is too humbling for my prideful nature. There are moments when I simply cannot protect myself. I can brace myself for the blow. I can give myself these speeches about everything being okay, but they are really just a cover up for the need I feel.

Recently, I have felt my own vulnerability in a few different areas - emotionally, physically, and financially. I literally can only do so much to protect myself, and the rest of myself that is left vulnerable is reliant on someone else for protection. That someone else can be a person or it can be the Lord. I think I have learned over the years to rely on the Lord, but relying on another person is SO hard for me. I have found myself in tears because I have had to rely on the grace and consideration of another person. And, really, honestly, I don't rely on the Lord with absolute dependence. I would rather come to Him with no fear, with all my ducks in a row, with no need for His help. When I feel myself crying out to Him for protection, it wounds my pride.

That's a good thing. My pride needs to take a blow. The house built on the sand of my own strength and confidence needs to crumble.

"For he has humbled the inhabitants of the height, the lofty city. He lays it low, lays it low to the ground, casts it to the dust. The foot tramples on it, the feet of the poor, the steps of the needy." Isaiah 26:5-6

"The poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them." Psalm 34:6-7

I think sometimes the Lord pulls my sense of security out from under me so that I am forced to fall into His arms and acknowledge His greatness and might.

"Love each other with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." Romans 12:10

God has commanded that, as brothers and sisters, we love each and outdo one another in showing honor. So, when people do honor me by protecting me, I should not mourn over my wounded pride but instead I should be filled with gratitude. They have been obedient to the Lord, and they have defended me when I could not defend myself.

So, thank you Lord and thank you, my brothers and sisters. If I don't say my thanks genuinely in the moment, it's because I'm stumbling over my hurt pride and struggling for words that would admit my need for you.